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ALTER EGOMANIAC

  I’m not very cool. My natural state is shaking like a Chihuahua on meth after a couple of 5 Hour Energy Drinks and an eight ball, I admit to having more Daddy issues than a knocked-up small town stripper and I’m less secure than the Mexican border. My finances are a total mess. I just found out that a child in Africa is sponsoring me. I’m a goofy nerd; I haven’t even been to …

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SECOND HUSBANDS: MARRIAGE PART DEUX

  I often joke that I am currently in between husbands. I’m married; I’m just in between my first and my third husband. Not to worry. No one laughs harder than Ty, my second hubby. I’m just saying that once you break the seal and start numbering grooms, it’s best if all parties involved have a healthy sense of humour. I adore Ty but he just doesn’t have that new husband smell. No matter how …

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All Creeped Out

As a white woman, there are certain inherent truths that define me. My innate love for dogs, my co-dependency on NyQuil and my low tolerance for all things creepy. The following reflects my short list of everything that kinda makes me throw up all over my stiletto heels. Men Who Wear Clogs. Please, women can barely pull off these throwbacks from the seventies. Gentlemen, unless you are standing next to a windmill, do not wear …

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I’m Catholic, All my Pleasures are Guilty

Guilty pleasures are a lot like sleeping with your incredibly handsome yet dim-witted second-cousin: you never admit to it in public, there’s a lot of shame involved and you hate yourself afterwards, but it just feels so damn good in the moment. In these challenging times, guilty pleasures are a must. They are a welcome escape, they help reduce stress and lower your blood pressure. I don’t know if any of the above statements are …

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A Taste of “Angels, Vampires and Douche Bags”

Hope you enjoy this excerpt from my book. You should really buy a copy or six. It will change your life. Well, it might change your clothes… Excerpt from Chapter 7: Celebrities And Other Addictions “A few years back I interviewed Aerosmith, and Steven Tyler hit on me. Now, I realize that this puts me in a club that’s about as exclusive as a Costco membership, but it’s true nonetheless. I think we formed a …

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