As everyone on the planet now knows, Ms. S, the very poor man’s Angelina Jolie, already had 6 young’uns at home. Now she has 14 kids, an agent, a publicist, a book deal and a possible television show. Although she’s come under heavy criticism for her bountiful breeding as a single, unemployed mom, clearly she’s made an outstanding investment. Maybe everyone who lost money in the stock market or through Madoff should take notice. Babies are the new Gold. I can only guess that there are three possible reasons for this recent multiple baby boom.

One) Remember when Jennifer Aniston sported the “Rachel” haircut at the height of “Friends” and every woman, girl and transgender went out and got the exact same shag? Perhaps now with uber-couple Brangelina leading the way of all things cool and noble, every couple, single mother and their mothers are looking to rack up the national birth rate. Hell, Angelina’s even got me thinking about adoption. I have seriously considered adopting an older child. Maybe a 19 year-old Spanish pool boy. Although so far, the only thing I’ve adopted to look cool has been an accent.

Two) Having babies appears to put you on the fastest track to getting your own television show. Witness “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” or the fabulous Duggar family of “17 and Counting” who are already up to 18. Jesus. This makes Jon and Kate look like the parents of an only child. By the way, the father of the Duggar family is called Jim Bob. No but, Jim Bob. Looks like NASCAR lover plus trailer park minus birth control now equals reality television glory.

Three) Perhaps it’s simply a matter that upping your baby count is the new status symbol in these harsh economic times. Remember when the players would show off their vintage car collection or illegal Cuban cigars? Now you just get ushered into a hothouse nursery. Back in the day, a Wayne Gretzky rookie card would earn you a lot of cheddar and street cred. Now you need to have a platinum card at Baby Gap and basically breed in bulk a la Costco.

All I know is that twins are so 5 minutes ago. Growing up I remember twins being a special commodity. Now they’re bullshit. Twins are relegated to soap operas and porn. Personally, I feel Nadya and company are legitimizing the often-maligned “crazy cat lady”. At least she didn’t have to breast feed the kitties…or send them to college. Usually, I’m a trend whore and jump on every possible new fad with the enthusiasm of a priest at summer Bible camp but I’m gonna have to pass on Fertility Fever. It makes no sense. It’s nuts. Besides, from what I hear, when you’re pregnant you can’t drink, smoke, take warm baths, eat sushi or dye your hair. Um, that’s basically all I do. I don’t know how I’d fill my days.

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